Me, Myself, and My Love

The last two months were ugly for me, spiritually. I unintentionally withdrew myself from God as I spent less and less devotional time with Him and did not obey His command/reminder. The one thing I struggled the most was about loving someone.
I used to think that I cared about this person X a lot that I always got sad when X did not do the right things, in my opinion. Over time, I learned that nothing I do or say could make any difference to X's way of thinking and actions, I felt so undermined and desperate. I then learned to numb the pain by keep telling myself that X was just a 'neighbor buddy' or a 'friend I just met once', thus I should not care too much (or practically speaking: ignore). After a while, this worked.
My little heart kept telling me that I was a bad person and that God wants me to restore the relationship. But I never wanted to return. Not ever. The past hurts, and I am ready to live for myself.

Last week, as I was talking to my mom about this problem, she gently reminded me:
"If you love someone, why do you want him/her to be like you? or to do what you do? You should love them as they are, and even if they do not reply (love) you back."
Her last remark was, "Think of what Jesus would do. Doesn't He always love you even though many times you don't remember Him or disobey Him?"

I got so sad. All these times I have been suppressing the very spirit God has put in my heart, that told me I need to change, I need to change. I know my love is superficial. I am always eager to share my love with others, but at some point, I want to be recognized, to be loved back. How selfish. And this God's very words have to come from my mom, who is not a believer. How good of salt and light have I been!
C.S. Lewis in his book "Mere Christianity" says that loving our enemy does not mean we have to love their bad actions, as we still love ourselves regardless of our bad actions. In the journey, we depend on God and are full of hope that we keep improving (being a better person). Similarly, we should help our enemies to depend on God, and we should be full of hope that they will change and be better people. This is what it means to love our neighbor as we love ourselves.
On a side note: I take 'enemy' as not only the people we consider harmful (such as terrorists, robbers) but also those who we hate in our daily life (such as irritating colleagues).

Last week I fasted. I really want to kill my pride and change my attitude towards X. I want to care, but not ask to be cared back. I will try to fix this relationship and be a better person.
Will you?

Worship that pleases God

Friends, I'm posting this devotional material I got from CCBC that taught me a lot. May you be blessed as I am!
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God wants all of us!! He doesn’t want a part of us. He asks for all our hearts, our
souls, our minds, and our strength. And He is not interested in half-hearted
commitment or partial obedience. God desires a full devotion of us, not little bits
of our life. That is what God calls worship.

Today many equate worship with being emotionally moved by sound of music,
but that is not the same. Real worship takes place when our spirit responds to
God, and not to some musical tone. It is always good that we can praises God
with our voice and musical instruments, but that alone is not enough.

The best style of worship is the one that most authentically reflects our love for
God. He is pleased when our worship is thoughtful. But if our worship is
mindless, it is meaningless. No matter how long we sing unto the Lord or how
beautiful we sing to Him, but if we don’t respond with our spirit, it is
meaningless. And Jesus called that thoughtless worship “vain
repetitions” (Matthew 6:7).

Another thing we must know about worship that pleases the Lord: God is
pleased when our worship is practical. The of book of Romans 11:1-2 explains
about our true act of worship. It says, “Offer your body as living sacrifice...”
Now, why does God want our body? Why He doesn’t say “Offer your spirit”? It
is because without our body we can’t do anything on this planet! In eternity we
will receive new, improved, upgraded body, but while we’re on earth, God says,
“Give me what you’ve go!” God is just being practical about worship..

In worship we are to “offer” our bodies as living sacrifices. People say, “I can’t
make it to the prayer, but I’ll be with you in spirit”. Do you know what that
means? It means nothing. It’s meaningless. As long as we’re on earth, our spirit
can only be where our body is. If our body isn’t there, neither are we.
Friends, a real worship is costly. David knew this and said, “I will not offer the
Lord my God sacrifices that have cost me nothing”.

True worship always takes effort and energy. It is not always convenient and
sometimes it requires a willing sacrifice.